atmospheric pressure is THIS close to causing me blow up. not really. never in my life have i been challenged so much. the past two years have been the best and worst two years of my life thus far. theres so much going on, what with college nearing by & just junk to deal with in general. stress has by far consumed my days. Its hard not to feel stressed. but i try not to worry about things too much. anyone who knows me, knows that im a worry wart. & its just natural.
thank God for momentary escapes from reality. vball served as that for me. it was nice doing something i loved and enjoying company of some of my closest girlfriends. now that its over, i just feel like somethings missing. :\ i miss it & wish i could start the season over and over again. but i wouldnt reset the season i had this year. it was awesome. just by making it to playoffs, we made my senior year, and I wouldn't change it for the world. I was also able to bond with a few girls who I havn't been as close to.
I love hannah lee, tracy lyn & thalia. the three of most sweetest girls i know. and manda of course. but obviously that was implied. i loved spending van rides with them & bonding with them on the court & in school. its been a wonderful trip, one that i hope not to take for granted. & im so happy that ive been able to establish such a strong bond. one that seems to strengthen with every passing day, esp because of all we go through, which i must say is a lot. and it gets overwhelming sometimes, but im glad to know that im not alone.
I must say i have matured a great deal since my first days at bethel. and i attribute that to God. His presence, His word. His plan. & the experiences ive had because of His plans. its nice to know that I never really have to worry. (even though i do. a whole bunch. its a major struggle, but im working on it.) the people in my life have also impacted me. & its just wonderful to be in a safe environment that can foster a beneficial growth.
Christmas is coming up & im highly excited. i love the holiday seasons. its wonderful to be around family and friends. except for the fact that i know this one thing i want for Christmas will not happen.
i try to fight it. tell myself i hate what you did. & try to justify my bitterness.i pretend to tell myself i dont care so it'll hurt less. but truth is, i miss you.i must say. it saddens me greatly to see that we've drifted so far apart when we were so close to begin with & seemed to grow closer with each passing year. i always imagined our friendship to be one that lasted. we always said "bffs". best friends forever. i didnt realize forever had a time limit of 6 years. a lot of decisions that were made have disappointed me greatly. but i never stoppped loving you. & i know i still do. you was a sister to me. &...idk. it kills me inside when i see our 8th grade grad picture and know that those two little girls in the picture are two completely different girls. with two completely different paths. I truly hope that youre happy. & if i could say anything to you, it'd be i love you. and i miss spending time with you. sharing my deepest secrets with you. knowing that i could depend on you. & cry on your shoulder when i needed. make stupid music videos with you. and print out lyrics to songs we would try to sing. but never could. if i could say anything to you, id say i miss our friendship and i pray that youre happy every single day.
tommy, thank you for all the smiles & laughter. thank you for listening to me & letting me tell you everything. letting me trust you & you being there. for being the wonderful person that you are. you mean a lot to me.
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